Alone?

It’s Wednesday evening. My apartment is eerily quiet tonight, since my one roommate is studying for an Orgo final at the library, while the other one is seeing “God of Carnage” uptown. And me? I’m curled up on the couch, watching Family Guy, with my best friend: Bombay Sapphire with tonic, and a splash of lime.

With each sip, I kept thinking of my father. It’s almost been two years since I last saw him. Two years since I last heard his voice. He died on the final night of my freshman year of college. Right after he and my mom settled in for the night, he had a massive heart attack. Just a few minutes after midnight, my father was pronounced dead.

Around 2:00 a.m., the R.A. on duty pounded on my door. I was fast asleep, having nightmares about my French final scheduled for later that day. I opened the door, and there she stood with a man from N.Y.U. Public Safety.

"Beau," she said. "You need to give your mom a call."

Before I even reached my cell phone, I knew. But I kept going, and dialed. My mom answered the phone. Her voice had always been so strong and fearless. Tonight it was different. It sounded empty. Alone.

"Sweetie, I need to tell you something," she said; she was crying. My heart started beating faster. I began shaking. "Your dad, he passed away tonight."

And that was when my world fell apart.

Bombay Sapphire had been his favorite drink for years, and even after he finally stopped drinking when my older brother was born, he always kept a bottle prominently displayed in our liquor cabinet, despite the fact that he never actually offered it to anyone. To this day, it remains unopened.

"It's the best," he told me once. "Just look at it."

He always loved the bottle, the light blue sparkling gem with a portrait of Queen Victoria displayed prominently in the center of the white label. Even now, I can see a bottle sparkling on my kitchen counter top.

The first bottle of liquor that I ever bought – legally that is – was a bottle of Bombay. I had just turned 21 years old, and I found myself wandering around Warehouse Wines & Liquor on Broadway near N.Y.U. For some reason, I was very stressed. I had no idea what I would choose for my very first legal purchase. Then I saw it. It was beautiful. The sun was coming in through the window, and it truly looked like a sapphire, perched atop the gin shelf. It was expensive, but I bought it.

A month later, the same bottle is still in my kitchen. There is still more than half a bottle since I save it for lonely nights, when I need a friend to cheer me up. Tonight is one of those nights. Despite the fact that my apartment is silent, besides the voices coming from the television, I know that my father is here with me tonight. And with my final sip, I suddenly don’t feel so alone anymore.